i thought i did something

These days, I feel like I only want to do activities such as reading, drawing, graphic design, and writing. But I'm stuck. I don't know what book to read, what to draw because I'm not very good at it, don't know where to start with graphic design, and don't know what to write. Yes, I am writing right now, but I want to write a story, like a fanfiction or something. My mind has some ideas, but there are too many of them, so the ideas are scattered around my brain. It's like I have to pick one idea and then start to create a plot, but then my mind jumps to another idea, and I become too congested, ending up with writer's block.

As for reading, I have a book that I'm currently reading, but I find it too overwhelming as it is related to the theme of self-harm. In every chapter, the main character engages in it, and every time it comes to that scene, I have to put down the book and let my mind rest for a while after visualizing it. I've been at that stage of life; I've put a razor on my wrist, and I know how much it hurts, so when reading the book, I can feel the pain, and it makes me want to puke. I don't have any other books to read because some of them have such boring plots that I literally can't bring myself to pick them up. Whenever I try or force myself to, I yawn or accidentally fall asleep.

Drawing... well, I'm not good at it. I'm not good at drawing, like, seriously. But I love it. I don't know what's wrong with me. Every time I'm in the mood for drawing, I'll go through Pinterest to find something to draw. Once I have something, I'll pick up my pencil and try to draw it, but it ends up looking like a disfigured imagination, like someone who tried to draw someone from memory. I've watched plenty of tutorial videos on how to draw, and I never improve. I mean, it looks okay compared to the ones I drew without guides, but when I try to draw using the methods I was taught, the outcome is not what I expected.

But do I stop? NO.

I read at least 2 pages, I have drafts of the stories I've made, I've designed a poster, and I've drawn something. It's ugly, but at least I did it.