a year of reflection.

I thought it would be easy to forget the past. It's been about a year, I think, since we stopped talking. Leaving you was definitely not an easy decision. I tried to reach out to you, tried to forgive you, but a friend said it's not worth the fight, and I deserve better. So, I held back and let you go so that you could be with the person you love. It hurts so much, honestly. I wish I could just reach out and ask how everything is. Do you miss me? Because I miss you so much. I miss our interactions, and mostly, your 'undivided' attention. At least, that's how I see it. When I think back to my childish actions, I wish I had never done what my brain told me to. Because right now, all I feel is regret. How I wish I could turn back time and fix it. Now I see how pointless it is to fight for a worthless relationship or friendship with someone who doesn't care. If I were given another chance, I'd definitely choose never to let go of you. I was stupid. It was a stupid decision, and there is nothing I can do anymore to mend things with you. I'm sorry for everything. But I hope one day I'll realize how foolish I am to even want you back after all you did. I hope one day I realize that walking away from you was actually the best decision I've ever made. I hope one day I'll never let someone disrespect me like you did. And I hope one day I'll realize that I'm worth much more than this, and I truly deserve better.

I can't believe I was all over you. We should have never met in the first place. We should have never crossed paths in the first place. You remain my most profound regret, and I'm afraid I can't forgive myself for letting that happen. None of it should have happened--not me and you, nor those unspeakable interactions that we had. I don't care if you think I'm judging you; in fact, I am. But I'm also judging my own mistake so that I can reflect well and make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes. Judging and not nurturing--that's what one should do. I refuse to accept or make peace with it because it's disgusting. I hope YOU won't do the same thing to other girls as well: manipulating them into doing what you want just because they love you. I pray that those girls won't be as naive as I was, indulging in such things just because they love a guy like you. Walking away from you was indeed the best decision ever, and I'm pretty sure you also think the same now that you have the greatest girl ever--her, the girl who used to be my close friend. Treat her better, though I think you surely will.