I got my result for my 4th semester—Alhamdulillah, I passed. It's not that great, but it's better than before. I'm glad that at least I made it through to the end. I've thought about quitting this degree so many times because I'm losing interest. I feel like I want to pursue something else, something creative, because since I was a child, I've always surrounded myself with art. Although I'm not very good at drawing—like, if I tried to draw a portrait of my favorite singer, it wouldn't look exactly the same—my friend who majors in art calls it my art style. She said, "Whatever you create with your own hands, if it comes naturally from your imagination, it's still art." So I guess... it's fine? But for me, I'm more into graphic design.
I remember back in primary school, I joined multiple groups on Facebook where people could request posters for their fanfiction. I was one of the active members and made a lot of friends through that. I spent most of my days completing poster requests. But then I stopped once I entered Form 1. I don't remember why, but I continued doing it in Form 3. Unfortunately, the community kind of died down because many people stopped using Facebook groups to post their fanfics and moved to Wattpad. So, I did the same and moved to Wattpad, where my writing era began. I wrote multiple stories and created posters as well, and surprisingly, I got a lot of requests. I thought it would be lame at first, but oh well. Once I entered Form 4, I decided to take a break to focus more on my studies, but that break extended so long that I eventually stopped doing fanfictions and posters altogether. I wish I could retrieve my old works and display them here, but I no longer use that email and forgot the password. The 'shop' got archived as well, making it more impossible for me to find it. Gosh, I wish I could turn back time and continue doing what I love and pursue something I am deeply passionate about. I feel like I've been lying to myself about loving Biology because I'm actually not good at it. I romanticized it too much, to the point where I was blinded and unable to see my real potential. Oh well, I guess life is full of surprises, eh?
So, since I'm on my semester break, I've done nothing—until yesterday. That makes me feel a bit better about myself and kind of productive because at least I did something instead of just idling around or playing games, right? It's nothing much; I journaled, did some sketches, drew Ayrton Senna, and read a book called A Little Life, which I've been putting on pause because the storyline is too much for me to take in. If you've read it, you know what I mean. I only managed to read about 5-6 pages. For me, it's still something—a progress. Better than nothing. I had to stop because currently, I'm on the 5th part of the book, titled "A Happy Year." It is indeed NOT a happy year AT ALL. I wish I could wash my brain with Clorox. The elaboration of the pain that the main character had to go through is too graphic for me. I had to put the book down multiple times to digest it. So, after reading it, I had to calm myself down by listening to Sade. I'm currently in love with her songs. It feels like I'm in a jazz bar, where the room is lit with candles, and you can smell coffee—or, whatever, I don't know. Maybe cigarette as well. For me, she has no bad songs. All of them are chef’s kiss—scrumptious, I must say. If you haven't heard her songs, you should give them a try. I suggest listening to "Like A Tattoo." The song is actually about a war. It's lovely.